frecklegirl, just for comparison, this is a quick and dirty translation I did from the romaji on your page. I think your word choice is pretty smart (I always tend to make japanese to english backwards and longwinded), but what I did was flip around the sentences to make it flow better and correct the particle usage. the "kara" in the third to last line isn't a "da kara" but a "kara" as in "kara" and "made," so she is saying running from fears. i'm not quite sure why you choose set it free, though. Also, I don't really agree with picking "sworn" in the top since the line is referencing checking the bonds that tie their lives together, it doesn't mention any oath or swearing. here is the first paragraph....
if someone were to fossilize my body,
I'd want it to be you to bring me back to life.
So that we aren't coated in more dust than this,
I once more will check these bonds that tie us together
and the life that we share.
running in fear from recognizing our eventual separation,
we can only scold, then laugh, as always.
I took some creative liberties but I think it remains direct and easy to understand.
the second paragraph should go something like this...
and when someone sings your praises
I won't be the one to smash your stature
so that we won't be soiled in such gossip,
I will once more check our joined hearts
and see just the reverence we hold for each other
someday we will melt even these fears of withering
while outside it grows light, transforms, ebbs and flows
substantiate
that as long as we live, it is one continuous season
fulfill me
feel the now and remember, even more than usual
live, live, let's live our lives
so as you can see our translations are similar but different in some areas. as I mentioned before the start of the second paragraph she is talking about someone else being praised and her not bringing him down. 1 I talked to my bf and he said that "生きる" is passive, whereas 活きる is more aggressive, like taking control and really living your life, not just existing, like the other kanji implies, so that is why I translated it as as such. the tokasu shows that she is talking about her melting the fear, in this case the sura implying an "even withering" type of situation.
as for the last part, I quite liked how you translated it, especially the "fulfill me" bit, but I did the zutto shun da to part differently because the saying "be in season" is something else entirely in Japanese where here she is just saying zutto shun da, or, a continuous season. anyyyywywaaayysss, I haven't looked at ryuukou but i'll check it out later if you want. I hope this doesn't piss you off too much.
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